Wednesday, May 23, 2007

You can stop sending those petitions

North Carolina can rest easy now; because, finally, Fried Balogna has come back to Burlington!

Everybody knows hot food is better and more nutritious than cold food. So it stands to reason that a traditionally cold food (bologna, which lives way way down at the bottom of the cold-cut food chain) is better, and better for you, when it's hot. And what better way to heat something than to fry it? For it's the patented frying process that allows all those savory bologna juices to emerge and claim their rightful place in the Alamance County Pantheon of Foods. Meat, and uh... stuff, deemed substandard by the hot dog industry (holy crap!), is reground to a finer paste, then extruded as big rubbery cylinder that rises above it's humble, no... meager? no... wretched? Yes, Wretched! beginnings upon contact with the frying pan and earns a spot in the biscuits of discriminating epicureans of the North Carolina highways.

Now that they accept credit cards, one can even finance fried bologna. Hmm, how would you list that in the monthly budget?