Thursday, February 23, 2006

Mis Huevos Estan Lustrosos

As if being the top google site for "Savage Monkeys" wasn't enough, MSN has jumped on the bandwagon and proclaimed my not so humble blog as tops for "Waxing Eggs". I expect Microsoft is just jockeying for market share, but they're gonna have to come up with the big bucks just like everyone else.

Click here to see for yourself:

Friday, February 17, 2006

Fruit d'Loom Man

Men don't shop; we buy. We take all the time we could have wasted trying on clothes and comparing things and agonizing over brand labels, and we watch televised sports instead. Today is my triannual cotton undergarment replacement day. Thirty pairs of socks, thirty pairs of bloomers: 15 minutes - max. Actually, since each bag had a bonus pair, I wound up with 35 pair of briefs, instead of 30. See? I didn't "shop", but I saved 16.7% without trying. Had the self-service register taken Susan B. Anthony dollars it would have been the best trip ever.

Yeah, but jeeze-louise Tom, thirty pair of underwear, isn't that a bit, well... No, it's not, and I'll tell you why. On the long list of necessary but mundane things I don't like to think about, underwear ranks pretty near the top, above pencil sharpeners, but below lawn care (don't get me started). So, in an effort to streamline such things and free my mind for deeper and more rewarding pursuits, I adopted Tom's Monthly Laundry System. [Don't abbreviate that or the National Board of Realtors will swoop down and "Cease and Desist" your ears off, just after they try to convince you that their SUVs somehow get better mileage than everyone else's, Big Gold is still in fashion, and that "Perception is Reality"*, especially if you have a corner lot.]

It's all about effeciency and economy of scale. If you have thirty pairs of underwear, you only have to do laundry once a month. If you never turn your socks inside out, you never have to turn them rightside out. If all your socks match, you never have to sort them. Just reach into the drawer and grab two, any two, and you're set. Dress socks in a different drawer and only for dressy occasions please. Plus, if you do you shopping right before laundry day, just toss out the dirty whites, and you save at least one load of laundry every three years. Over the course of my adult life that's a savings of over 20 loads. Less wasted water, less detergent in our water system, and less electricity used. I expect Mother Nature to ring my doorbell any minute and give me a big ol' sloppy kiss. And I thought new socks were good for my self-esteem.

Life's a jungle. If you're going to get through it, you have to have a plan.

*This belief is at the foundation of why Realtors act they way they do. To quote J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, "Pull the Wool Over Your Own Eyes!"

Thursday, February 16, 2006

The Twin Peaks of Kilimanjaro

Well, not really. It's carpeted and climate controlled, and there's only one of them, but when you're a strictly indoor kitty (due to feline leukemia), it'll do. I wanted to give the cat something to climb on that wasn't already covered in books, so I had to construct something new. She can sleep in the afternoon sun, watch the birds and squirrels, or snooze in her basket way up in Micheal Jordan territory.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The World's #1 Resource for Savage Monkeys

As of this writing, Yours Truly's blog, this very one you are reading now, is Google's top website for "savage monkeys". Selected by highly sophisticated algorithms from more than 1.3 Million lesser sites, Robots and Eggs stands alone as the primary electronic resource for savage monkeys and those who google them.

If that's not making your mark on the world, I don't know what is.

Try it for yourself!

In the Dark Everything Looks Clean

A man looks out of his window at the neighbor's driveway, across the street:

"Mable! Com'ere an' take look at this! That crazy neighbor of ours is out in his driveway, washin' his car!"

"Yeah, I cain't hardly see for all the fog, but I think that's his four year old spraying the hose all over creation."

"No, I think she's the one throwing the soapy sponges all over creation. It's her daddy that's got the hose, but he ain't spraying it, it's just rainin' harder now."

"Well, If he don't have the sense to come in out of the rain, I guess he's not smart enough to know you can't wash a car right if you can't see the dirt."

"Lord ham mercy, it makes me cold just to look at 'em out there. It's gotta be 45 dee-grees by now."

"Should we go see if they're all right? I mean, you know, why would anybody be out there in this weather, washing their car?"


Tom's house, 10 minutes earlier:

"Come on Daddy, it'll be fun! Or, I guess we could watch The Lion King again."

"Sigh... I'll get the hose."